Feedback is About Listening

Hi there, ✋

I’m Miguel, living in Barcelona, nice to meet you! It has been a while since my last blog, thus things might be a little rusty around here. However, since the beginning of the year, I’ve kept this Big Think YouTube video by Adam Grant lingering in the back of my mind, simply because of its remarkable insights and how deeply it resonated with me.

Typically, anything shared by Adam Grant is worth noting, but I particularly recommend his 8-minute video on “unlocking potential” for its exceptional and straightforward wisdom.🤓

So, after one of the most insightful and constructive discussions on “the art of feedback” with one of my mentors, I knew that I had to put in paper all the ideas running around in my head, because as Stephen King said “writing is clarity of thought.” 📖

Even though AI is in the zeitgeist nowadays, in this post, I’m not unpacking the latest breakthroughs. If AI content is what you seek, please enjoy my previous posts: AI & the Story of the Universe or AI & the Story of “Value Investing” vs “Growth Investing”. 🤖🧠

If Fintech topics are more to your taste, you might also appreciate: “FinTech Endeavors & Updates”. 💻💸

Feedback is a gift:

In both the corporate world and personal life, the saying “feedback is a gift” is often quoted, standing out as one of the most frequently used “inspirational” terms. Yet, I argue that its widespread use does not, in any form, diminish its significance or the truth it carries… I truly believe in it!

Why? I see feedback as an incredibly powerful tool for enabling individuals to reach and even exceed their full potential. 🚀

Few things in the world make me more emotional, than a good story of someone defying all odds and overcoming adversity to achieve what was once deemed impossible.

Case in point, Nike & Adidas have largely built their entire brand identity around this very concept: #ImpossibleIsNothing

However, there’s a catch! Providing feedback is more of a nuanced art than it initially seems. It requires considerable emotional intelligence and self-awareness; it’s a complex interplay / dance between two individuals, that demands a balanced connection and a lot of intentional skill.

As Adam Grant highlight sin the aforementioned video, there are many traps — many ways for individuals to squander their potential or underestimate their capabilities.

Therefore, the success of a leader is measured by the accomplishments of their teams.

It is crucial to avoid certain bad habits and leadership styles that have been proven to be ineffective: “cheerleaders” and “critics”.

• Cheerleaders: usually this type of leaders recognize people’s best selves and try to harness their strengths. The pitfall lies in the imbalance, as it may lead to complacency, such as individuals living within their own isolated bubbles. Ultimately, this could result into individuals transforming their strengths into weaknesses.
• Critics: on the other hand, they often deflate / demoralize the people around them. It might lead to career derailers, because people feel discouraged or unmotivated.

Then, we have coaches!

A coach helps you in becoming a better version of yourself. They primarily focus on the future ahead and the learning from the past behind (i.e. how to pave a path for growth). They encourage seeking discomfort and promote engagement throughout the process. 🏃

They use feedback as instrumental tool for guidance and sustainable motivation. They literally nurture you mentally, they feed-you-back. ⭐️

Feedback Techniques Used by Exceptional Coaches:

1 — deliver in real time: to boost connection & consistency (i.e. not periodical annual reviews).

2— segment praise from criticism: allows for the separation of ‘engagement’ or ‘constructive feedback’ from ‘negative feedback’.

3 — focus on behavior change: show impact, layout action plan, which ultimately should come from the other person.

⚠️Note: the commonly used “feedback sandwich”, where one starts with “compliment” >> “criticism” >> “compliment again”, empirically might not taste as good as it looks! Mainly because it fails to adapt to the personality of the other person. If the recipient is anxious, they may dismiss the praise, while if they are confident, they may solely focus on it.🥪

Where the “listening” part kicks in:

My grandfather used to tell me, “You have two ears and one mouth, so do the math”, which is a valuable lesson I’ve applied in many different circumstances throughout my life — when giving feedback fits like a glove.

The “listening” aspect is crucial, especially when offering constructive criticism. It re-engages the other person in the conversation and helps you empathize with their situation. This approach shifts someone from a defensive, oppressed standpoint to a more constructive and positive mindset. 💡

I always recall a story from college where a student strongly disagreed with a teacher’s grade on a paper. The student was ready to bust into the professor’s office and confront the professor about everything that was wrong in the grading methodology. However, the student was very surprised when the teacher stood up, approached, and sat down side-by-side, asking about the gaps and suggesting they address them together. It was a remarkable way to de-escalate any potential conflict.

This approach also helps prevent many mistakes, as one may not always have the complete context.

Once the dust has settled and you’ve established a two-way bridge, a good communication strategy involves clearly delineating your areas of praise and constructive criticism:

• For example: “I want to tell you a couple of thins you’re doing well and a couple of things you could work on improving. Do you have a preference for which we do first?”

Another method to shift someone from a defensive position to a constructive one would be (this one really, really works!!):

• For example: “I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I’m confident you can reach them.”

(i.e. I’m here to coach you)

Finally, wrap up the conversation by emphasizing and seeking to understand how you can enhance your collaboration with your colleague, laying the groundwork for more effective teamwork.

What’s next?

Keep on learning & improving feedback techniques, because it has unlimited upside!

If you’ve made it this far, I’m grateful for your time. Feel free to share your own experiences with giving feedback or any personal stories with giving feedback in the comments below. 😻

Thanks! ❤

Carve-out (acquired.fm style): you are going to love the new Amazon serie “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”. Whether you’re a fan of spy thrillers or character-driven dramas, this modern adaptation of a classic story is definitely worth your time and attention.

It seamlessly merges elements of spy thrillers, action, drama, and romance with stunning cinematography and timely comedy, featuring sharp, on-point jokes that will make you laugh out loud.

Plus, the incredible on-screen chemistry between Donald Glover and Maya Eriskine is truly addicting.

And the house…. buahhhh 🤤🏠